On returning to your house you immediately put the kettle on.

'I'd love a cuppa me.'

You sit down at your kitchen table and sigh. What could you have done to help? you try and reason with yourself.

You switch the TV on and catch the start of the news. The bleak headlines do nothing to cheer you up:

'148 die in Scandinavian plane crash, more trouble little China and the mysterious ZARS disease wipes out hundreds more. The so far localized Zebra and Rat Syndrome is feared to be the start of a pandemic of a number of mutated strains of the virus.'

Maybe you should have helped Tommy Tomkins; perhaps to try and put some goodness back in the world.

You feel a little guilty now as the news reporter describes the horrible symptoms of the ZARS disease.

You ponder the possibility of changing your mind but what could you have done?

Before you have time to ponder this further, a large rhino comes charging into your kitchen.

'Great Galloping Guffs!' you cry out in surprise. Although you not that surprising as the rhino belongs to your next-door neighbour, a Mr. Jack Starch. A very boring man. Likes lino and gravel. And has an extensive collection of cardboard ovens that he made himself. Owning the rhino was his attempt at being a more interesting person. You've got to be an interesting person if you own a rhino surely?

While you were busy recapping all this information to yourself, it pierces your Enormous Fungal Growth and you explode into 999 pieces. Give or take one. Such is the folly of trying to be a more interesting person.

Smelly Jenkins and his Enormous Fungal Growth has been wiped off the face of the earth. The moral of the story here is: don't be a coward!

Now go away and suck a bean.