Congratulations on your decision: you have a very brave and honorable soul. You have merged with Smelly Jenkins and his Enormous Fungal Growth. You both are one for this journey.

Tommy thanks you for your offer of assistance and assures you that he will do all he can to aid you while you are in the Dungeons of Randomness. He briefs you on a number of things then bounds off like a gazelle. You gaze after him admiringly. You cannot help but say: 'What a man!'

A great man indeed; with a great pet and wife Betty the Badger. You have been good friends with them both for many years. They have looked out for you in your times of need. Now it is your turn to repay the favour and help them in their time of need.

'Come, my Enormous Fungal Growth, to the Dungeons of Randomness!', you shout out.

But first you rush back home to collect some useful things. You hurriedly grab a satchel and fill it with a small bowl, a piece of chalk, a 'free cheese roll' voucher, a banana, a feather duster and your signed photo of some Blue - your favourite Colour. These should keep you in good stead for the journey.

'Come, my Enormous Fungal Growth, to the Dungeons of Randomness!', you repeat.

And off you bound, trying to imitate Tommy Tomkins wonderful bound, but failing miserably because of your Enormous Fungal Growth. You look like a fool. But you are still smiling.

As you leap, nay, trundle into action an azure ray bursts through an otherwise cloudy sky. You look up at the brilliant colour and it suddenly fills your heart with hope - yes, you can do this! A sign from Blue perhaps, looking out for you?

From what Tommy said about the Dungeon of Randomness they can only be found by someone who is completely lost and disoriented AND has the desire to see a purple door. It doesn't take you very long to lose and disorient yourself and as you already have an obsession with purple doors (a chemical imbalance in the brain causes you to be obsessed by purple doors and want to have their children) it is no time at all until a purple door appears before you. You start to fondle it and unzip your trousers but then you remember your quest.

'Betty!'

Fuelled by rage, you propel yourself through the door with your Enormous Fungal Growth and roll to a stop on the other side. The door closes behind you and you are alone.

You lift yourself up and look ahead determinedly.

'And so BadgerQuest begins...'